[livejournal.com profile] licenseartistic: Lose A Battle, Win The War

Feb. 12th, 2007 09:19 pm
irina_derevko: (Search & Rescue (yodaamidala))
[personal profile] irina_derevko
Title / Prompt: Lose A Battle, Win The War / January #3
Character: Irina Derevko
Warnings: Implied torture, offscreen
Fandom: Alias
Word count: 354
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Alias still belongs to people who, alas, are not me. Also, the latter half of this was written while spaced out on antibiotics which "may cause dizziness."

Irina imagines that dying would be a lot less trouble if her sister would simply let her get on with it.

She won't, of course. A quick and easy death for her sister is not in Elena Derevko's plans- no death at all, in fact, before she gets what she wants. What she wants, what she needs to complete her plans- and what Irina just as desperately cannot afford to let her have.

Knowledge she is trying to hold back, but she can't do that forever. She'll break sooner or later- everyone does.

This is why death is preferable, and why Elena doesn't dare let her have that escape.

Irina wonders, in the moments when she is left alone, with only her thoughts to try and block out the pain... She wonders what pretty lies her sister will tell her followers, those true believers in Rambaldi's work who believe that Irina Derevko's life is sacred. (Not enough belief to save her, only enough to ask potentially awkward questions.) She wonders if Elena will tell them that she had strayed, and for that, deserved...

It doesn't matter, of course- certainly it will not matter to her at that point. But she wonders about it, sometimes.

She wonders about a lot of things, when she is trying to find a way past the pain. When Jack and the girls will give up on her, when they will realize that she is never coming back.

If they'll ever know why...

When she breaks, she does so all at once, all of the information she'd been holding back from Elena coming out in a rush. For a moment, then, on the fine line between horror and shame, she thinks that now she can let go. Now she can let the pain take her...

Slowly, what Elena is saying reaches her ears; slowly, the words coalesce into familiar phrases.

Elena, thanking her- so politely!- for her help. Elena, describing the wallpaper she helped Irina's girls- her girls!- pick out for their kitchen walls...

She knows, then, that she has to hold on. Somehow.

She has to make this right.

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Irina Derevko

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